The countdown to D-Day (Dogs on holiDay) ends, here's our February
2013 roster ;
*to contributors; if there are any errors or oversights
please let us know and they’ll be corrected ASAP.
Also a quick reminder to follow us on facebook.
I'm still in here...
Thursday 31 January 2013
Applaws Worthy Pin-Up
This is Lester, he resides with Deborah Klein and loves getting his picture published as much as possible.
Jodene Has a BF
Jodene
Has a BF
Marc S. Cohen
And now everyone's upset. WTF??
texts Dakota. OMFG!!! texts Mercede. :O#@!%!!!! texts Serenity. Worst to take
it is Serenity. Everyone just assumed she was going to be the first. It was
Serenity whose Middle School classmates voted most likely to grow up to be a
centerfold. She was the first to get braces, and the first to graduate to a
B-cup. Is it her fault the boys are all intimidated by her? Even the high
school boys?
Kitties in the Midst
Kitties in the Midst
Deborah Klein
Friends and family who know me also know I will
be a lone, old woman surrounded by cats, or at least a cat, until I die. If the
nursing home won’t allow them, my daughter will smuggle one in in a Little
Debbie cookie box.
I love all
the creatures, (except poisonous
snakes, spiders, and other really ugly, terrifying things that breathe.) But I respect every creature’s right to be here.
I’m certainly not worthy of having dominion over them, that’s for damned
sure. That was one of God’s stupid ideas, putting us in charge. Lot’s wife
was another stupid decision. So was
menopause and cramps.
The Oracle as an Infallible Prophet on Something
The Oracle as an Infallible Prophet on
Something
Norman A. Rubin
Norman A. Rubin
"Wal' the Oracle was a gipsy woman who advertised herself on the sign tacked up on the outside wall to her hocus pocus parlor 'Natasha, the Oracle' – Fortune Telling, Foretelling the Future and Divination – by appointment... '' chattered the Old Major to a pack of old duffers, eight in all, sitting around the warm barrel stove in Lem's General store. “She went with the name as Natasha Rasputin, but her real moniker was Sarah Cohen, Brooklyn born.
STRIP JOINT MEDICINE
STRIP JOINT
MEDICINE
Fred
Desjardins
What can you
learn about the world of medicine working in a strip club?
Plenty. Neurology, biology, chemistry, surgery
- the whole nine yards. At
the time I was working my way through
university toiling in a joint
called The Downtown Connection. The locals
suggested that the
"connection" likely referred to the
relationship between a steel-toed
boot and genitalia. I started as a waiter but
my job description came to
include
manager, waiter, bookkeeper, bouncer, fill-in disc jockey and
stripper-auditioner.
How To Be A Loner
How To Be A Loner
Charles B. Lawson
The secret to being the perfect loner is pretty simple for the most part; you just don’t have to be interested in people. The title for the piece, How To Be A Loner, is one of the many titles that went through my head before sitting down to write this. My bartender suggested the title, A Reluctance To Settle For Mediocrity. The fact is this isn’t so much a piece about how to be a recluse or the outlier of society, it’s more about my life in college and my life in general. This is how I’ve gone about my business, my dirty life and times if you will.
How To Entertain Delivery Men and Inspire Me
How To Entertain
Delivery Men
I wear a hat to bed.
I did some laundry and washed my hat.
I was really sleepy when I dug in the laundry basket for my hat. I slept all night and was woken up by a
parcel delivery person. I could not
understand why this person was holding their sides while waiting for me to sign
for the package. It wasn't until I
looked in the mirror and realized I had pulled (a clean) pair of men’s knit
boxers on my head instead of my hat. So,
I answered the door with men's underwear on my head. I think I made the delivery person's day!
Tuesday 29 January 2013
Q & A, the A bit
Just a quick paws to answer some email queries,
For all readers and contributors please keep the first of
February on your mind and calendars- this is the date we go ‘live’.
For all who’ve received acceptance to the magazine version
please make sure we have your address (so we can send your contributor’s copy).
Email it to us please (NEVER post it online i.e. the blog, safety people!) at absccomedy@gmail.com.
Anyone who still wants to submit for the blog has a mere
three days remaining. Anyone who wants to submit for the magazine has some
leeway into February, though we will have to hit up the printing press shortly
into the month so as to have our print version ready for its March release.
PS. Submitters if you have a short bio or link to your website/blog you'd like to appear with your post, please send that along as well.
Once the print version is ready to be released we will have
a Paypal set up for those seeking to purchase copies of the first issue. This
will appear on the blog.
There is no payment for our bloggers at the moment, we are
brand new, and our current goal is provide good writers/artists with a place to
showcase their talents. The same applies to our magazine, although contributor’s
copies are in order for everyone who appears within its pages.
Thanks again to everyone who has been submitting!
-That Cat
Monday 21 January 2013
Where's your art at?
Some really awesome submissions have come in, some seriously
questionable ones as well- but we’ve a real lack of art and comics in the box! C’mon,
we can’t stare at cardboard all day. Submit!
-That Cat
Tuesday 15 January 2013
Submission Call
This is an offbeat comedy blog looking to post comics, art, prose,
poetry and anything else creative so long as it's comedic. No homophobia,
racism, misogyny or the like please. Send us your submissions! Posting begins
on February 1st 2013.
No real rules for submitting.
Authored by Schrödinger’s Cat is expecting to publish a chapbook this spring. We're going magazine like we're in heat.
Submit to absccomedy@gmail.com
Submit to absccomedy@gmail.com
- That Cat
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